3 months, thank you for everything

Nu är det två veckor sen jag skrev föregående inlägg.

Jag skulle vilja säga att jag har gjort det jag just drömde om. Men nej, vädret har varit riktigt dåligt. Bara regn, moln och åska. Det var någon timme, lite solglimt förra veckan, men så började det igen så fort jag hann sätta foten ut.

Otur hade jag också med platsen jag bor på, lägenheten var allt detdär man vill ha när man är ute och reser, eller jag iallafall, kök, tv, balkong, stort badrum, sovrum och vardagsrum, lite för bra för att va ärlig! I förra boendet saknade jag både varmvatten och elektrisitet några dagar, varm vattnet gick dock aldrig på, men det behövdes inte heller för i Hua hin hade jag superfint väder varje dag och upp till 33-34 grader varmt! Min rheumatism njöt.

Det konstiga är att min rheuma och jag överlag trivs inte i värme hemma i Finland, lederna sväller och börjar klia i mina fingrar och tår. Fuktighet är absolut värst, men inte här.

Här mår min rheuma som om den inte ens funnits! Några enstaka dagar värk men så var det borta igen.

Att vakna och må bra, är otroligt.

Främmande men vackert.

Så tacksam. Tackar varje dag och minut som jag får känna att vara frisk.

En dag flyttar jag till värmen, det har jag lovat mig själv.

Tillbaka till lägenheten, väldigt fin och bra på alla sätt men däremot platsen var inte alls bra. Hundarna som var så snälla i Huahin, var agressiva här. Det är en lång, väldigt lång, och brant backe till mitt ställe, och hela vägen är full med hundar, säkert 20 st.

Jag trodde de skulle bli vana med mig, hundar brukar älska mig. Jag har aldrig träffat så agressiva hundar förut, jag har aldrig någonsin känt mig så rädd, inte för hundar iallafall. Det är som om det är något de inte gillar hos mig.

Jag fick enormt massa grymma tips på instagram, testade verkligen alla metodet, allt från att prata hundspråk, titta ner i marken (absolut inte ögonkontakt), gå med kepp, hoppa runt aom en galnint, vifta med armarna, slicka sig om munnen, låssas att jag plockar stenar från marken, gå med självförtroende och inte visa en ända rädsla, prata snällt med dem och klappa dem, bara gå lungt och inte bry sig, springa iväg, stå stilla, leka död pch allt detdär.. inget hjälpte. Fick massa tips om pepparspray också men ville inte göra dem något ont.

De attackerar mig varje dag, även på morgonen, morrar och nästan anfallet mig, nu har jag använt taxi och cykel i en vecka sedan jag blev biten, och fördes direkt till akuten för rabies injektion. 5 gånger skall jag ta det.

Nu har jag äntligen hittat en ny lägenhet och flyttar på Måndag. Två korta veckor kvar. Ärligt vill jag inte hem, men orka gnälla, ska njuta varje minut som är kvar, också i regnet. Varje minut, jag lovar.

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So its like 5 hours time difference of Finland and Thailand, the first week I was really jetlagged but I had some CBD oil with me, that cured it all. So from really energized on the evening to sleepmode, fixed!

Do you use CBD oil?

I use it home regulary, mostly for my rheumatism but also for my ADHD and the days I do not get sleep. Every time I use CBD oil, I sleep like a baby!!! Really works.

On my rheumatism I havent yet felt any difference but I guess you need to use it daily and in high dose, but it still relaxes me and when I am relaxed, my muscles also relax, so it is a good treatment for sore muscles.

And as I mentioned it works good for my ADHD, the days I feel like hyper and too much things going on, I have learned to be present those moments and recogonize that I am going ”over” again. But to calm down and try to do some breathing or meditation, is not a good idea😂😂 A minute later I am jumping around again, on the same time that I try to focus on my job.. that is when CBD helps, to calm down, go in to a concentration mode.

Have you got any help of CBD oil, if so for what?

I use mine from Nirvanahealth

Get it here

They have a lot of different options and strength, I use 1-5% on the morning/days and 15% on the evening.

The more strength it has, the less drops you need. Three drops of 15% helps directly to insomia.

I would probably not. Yes I would love a higher bodyfat, but I learned to avcept myself today as I am.

• 

For years I struggled with pressures to appear a certain way and to have a certain body type, get more curves and bodyfat. I was so ashamed of my skinny body, when I was depressed I could not leave the house because I thought people would see me as a skeleton. I did not fit in. Everyone else looked normal and I was the skinny girl.

So many years I lost stressing about stupid things, things that does not matter. All that time I could have focused on so much more importent things.

When I stoped caring about the way I look and also what other think, I got free. Maybe I am too skinny, muscular, veiny or whatever right now, who cares, as long as I am healthy, feel good and well, taking care of myself. Maybe I will some day get huge curves and high body fat, who knows, but I do not care, the only thing I wish for is to be healthy and happy.

The way we look does not tell anything about how we are, and we are so much more than our look.

But we all are born with one certain look, and we all have our own unique look. You also got your bodytype and I think it is so cool that we all look different, how boring it would be if everyone looked the same. Also boring to look perfect, even if I do not know what a perfect human would look like, everyone has their own opinions about that I guess. Maybe perfect does not exist.

”One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn’t exist…..Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist”⁃ Stephen Hawking

• 

I would not change the way my hands o feets look. I would only take the pain away.

En månad sedan operationen, om jag mår bättre ? Nej.

Varje operation sätter spår i kroppen.

Känns inte alls bra.

Tålamod? Ja, det är väl det ända som jag måste ha, då hoppet sviker.

Efter två antibiotika kurer börjar den nästa snart. Efter operationen fick jag infektion i tarmen.

Ibland börjar jag undra om jag har någon förbannelse över mig.

Eller om jag borde börja ett helt nytt liv och flytta till en öde ö, med varken kontakt till människor eller saker. Men skulle säkert dö på några dagar, av vätskeförlust.

Hösten klev in snabbare än någonsin och troligen kommer vintern också tidigt i år.

Resa har alltid varit min räddning i alla skeden, har undvikit det sedan corona men också pg av alla bakslag jag haft under de senaste åren. Känns som om jag får bara vara redo inför nästa sak.

Nä orka vara deppig. Depp-anna är mitt mellan namn just nu.

Men ändå är jag glad. Glad och tacksam.

Roliga nyheter? Gjorde nyss PB (person bästa) i bänkpress, jihuu!!

Att känna sig stark är nog det bästa, efter må bra- känslan.

Kanske jag ändå blir den kvinnliga Arnold en dag. Eller vad tror ni?😉

Godkväll!

Nu har jag haft en kur på Jatoba tillskottet jag beställde efter att ha fått resultatet på mag/tarmanalysen och funderingar på möjligheterna om att ha SIBO. Har inte gjort test på om jag har det, men någon inflammation har jag allt i magen.

Om man lider av SIBO, får man oftast av läkaren utskrivet antibiotika. Jag har inte som sagt varit hos läkaren och vet inte om jag har SIBO eller inte, men tänkte att ett test på Jatoba kan inte göra skada.

9 dagar har gått, jag märkte inga stora förändringar förutom att magen blev lite hård. Följer med situationen efteråt också..hur kroppen mår sen.

Nu vet jag inte om Jatoba ens funkar, det har jag inga bevis på. Jag undrar mest nu vad för problem jag egentligen har, för kan IBS eller stress eller operations komplikationer ge såna värker som jag har? Svårt att tro.

Aja! Nog om det, jag har iallafall goda nyheter också! Jag skall nämligen på en liten resa imorgon, över helgen.

Det kommer bli så otroligt skönt!

Har inte rest på ett år, har inte träffat typ alls vänner eller bekanta, har inte satt min fot i någon butik eller restaurang, så känner mig lite nyfödd haha. Jag ser verkligen framemot resan! Har tagit båda vaccinsprutorna men bär såklart ändå mask för att vara på säkra sidan.

Nu har jag fått nackspärr av allt jobb på datorn och efteråt mobilen. Trevligt såhär till resan.

Mer om resan sen! Följ med mig på Instagram, där uppdaterar jag mer aktivt! ❤️

I samarbete med Gutfeeling Labs

Har haft mer eller mindre, senare regelbunda problem med magen efter inflammationen jag fick för lite över ett år sedan, som var akut och behövdes opereras direkt.

Kirugi hjälper det akuta tillståndet men, behandlar inte själva problemet, och för att inte glömma alla symptomer som kommer efteråt. Därför är det viktigt (vad än det gäller för operation i kroppen) att få noggranna instruktioner om rehabiliteringen efteråt. Rättare sagt.. vad orsakade inflammationen i första hand, och vad ska man göra för att få kroppen i balans igen?

Att utföra en operation är en stor stress för kroppen och behöver noga åtethämtas men också snabbt stärkas upp för att få systemet i normal funktion, att fungera optimalt igen.

Vila är bra, men det räcker inte.

I detta fall var det min mage och tarm som var problemet. Jag återhämtade mig ganska snabbt men några månader senare kom problemen. Jag tänkte mest att det var tillfälligt och fortsatte vardagen normalt. Det blev värre, jqg fick kramper och blev uppsvullen, samlade på mig luft från ingenting.

Jag behandlade det med att ändra min kost, gå promenader mera.

Det hjälpte för stunden, men det blev värre.

Nya symptom och förfärliga attacker i magen uppstod, jag kontaktade min läkare, fick smärtstillande och medicin för luft i magen. Inget mer.

Jag höll uppe hoppet men problemen återstod. Trodde det berodde på något jag åt. Testade utesluta alla livsmedel för att reda ut vad som orsakade problemen.

Det blev värre, ett år senare led jag dagligen av värk i magen. Min läkare hade mest sagt att det berodde på min rheumatism, att några har otur och får problem efter operationen, men väldigt sälsynt, att det gäller för äldre och svaga personer som lever ”ohälsosamt”. Rekommenderade att öka dosen mediciner.

Jag gjorde som han sade, men det gav enbart mer problem. Inget verkade hjälpa, varken kost eller livsstil. Var jag stressad eller oaktiv blev det ännu sämre och fick inte sömn pg. Värk i magen.

Jag har nog varit i alla undersökningar men inget allvarligt hittades, som tur är jag inte döende även om det känns så.

Jag är van med värk och problem, dagligen. Vare sig det gäller i mina leder av rheumatismen eller magen, jag är ganska psykiskt stark och har klarar smärta bra, då jag helt enkelt blivit van med det.

Dock börjar jag nu förlora orket, skall livet verkligen vara en pina? Att kunna få njuta av vardagens fina stunder utan att samtidigt strida mot värk och oftast behöva avboka events för värken.

Tips och förslag bara rullar från sida till sida, tacksam för all hjälp och stöd men har nog testat på alla saker, alla medicinet, tillskott, kost och livsmedel, behandlingar, cbd och liknande produkter.. lyssnat på ljusböcker och läst artiklar och råd. Glad att det hjälper någon där ute, men tyvärr inte mig.

Nu har jag bestämt mig att göra en analys av min tarmflora! Vad intressant!

Testet görs av Gut Feeling Labs Sverige.

Skall berätta mer om det sen då jag tillfört provet och fått resultat!

I analysen får man svar på bla. Tarmflorans sammansättning samt råd om hur man på ett så optimalt sätt som möjligt kan balansera den efter resultaten.

Och så kan jag få veta om mina nuvarande mjölksyretabletter är effektiva eller om jag behöver byta eftersom på testet får man även svar på de olika mjölksyrebakterierna och nivåerna i dem.

Vill du också göra en analys om din tarmflora ?

Använd rabattkoden tarmhälsa och du får en ”Enstaka analys” för 950 kr istället för 1890kr!

My story

You can almost understand my history just by reading my username, @Svagtillstark which means from weak to strong on Swedish. I have recovered from a weak and anorexic, sick, depressed and burned out girl to a strong both mentally and physically, happy and inspired girl that wants to help and motivate people to get healthy.

Alot of the recovery I did with the great help of strength training that I found year 2013 and the interest to start building myself up instead of breaking me down started directly and I went up 10kg. 

I am going to share my story. Because one of the most powerful things we can do is talk openly about a personal experience of a mental health condition. We might be surprised by how many people also have experienced a mental health condition at some point in their life, or supported a loved one with a similar experience.

Courage is contagious, and talking about mental health conditions helps to change negative attitudes and stereotypes.

Here is my story from depression:

I was 16 years old. I was going to start high school. I did not know what I wanted. I just wanted to live and have fun. The year before, I had suffered from anorexia and had been forcibly admitted to hospital and an eating disorder clinic. I had missed half the year of the eighth grade, but it did not matter, I made it through 9th grade.

I was healthy and recovered and wanted a new life.. new beginning, so I decided to start a new high school.

In the school, I did not know anyone. I felt that I did not fit in. I had never been good in school, but now I felt even worse.

I walked from lesson to lesson, I did not understand what the teacher was talking about in class, everything went into one ear and out through the other. I felt stupid. Weird. Odd. Everyone was so good at school, motivated and focused on their studies.

Of course I had a milder variant of dyslexia but the principal thought I was like everyone else and that I did not need any extra help.

After a couple months everything started to become dizzy. I lived in my own bubble. I felt anxious.

I went alone on lunch break, I forgot the clock and arrived late for the lessons. I began to feel tired, unmotivated and lost. Who was I? Where had my old friends gone? Why did I feel so strange, different, useless?

At that time, I still lived at home with my parents. But I could not talk about my feelings. I have never liked to talk about myself, the last thing I wanted was someone to comfort me and feel sorry for me. I felt disgusted of myself. Why could I not just get myself together. Why could I not be as good as everyone else? Why did I feel this way? What’s wrong with me? I was ashamed.

Every day, the anxiety began to take over me a little more. I started to hate myself. Everything I did was wrong. I also started having panic attacks and horrible memories, nightmares at night from the time I was sick with anorexia.

It felt like I was never good enough. I had also wasted so much time, energy, money on my illness by my parents and siblings that I felt useless and horrible. We went to several different psychologists, but no one felt right.

I still went regularly twice a week to a therapist and talked about nothing. I tried all kinds of medications, but they made me feel even more confused and empty.. It felt like I had no feelings, no anger, sadness, joy, happiness, nervousness, or so. I just felt tired and anxious and unsuccessful.

The days went by. It never got better. It was the same hard, tired, anxious days. Somedays I just managed to lie in bed. There were never better days. I had missed so much of school so it was unnecessary to even continue I thought. And I had no strength or motivation either. The zest for life was gone.

It was November and I tried suicide for the first time. I overdosed on my depression medication and was going to overdose on alcohol in the bathroom but my mother found me. Mom took all my medications, and hid it, giving only one dose a day. Suddenly I stopped taking them and instead collecting them for the next attempt. I did not think much. I thought that was an option. I never believed there was a future for me.

The next suicide attempt was an overdose of Dad’s sleeping pills. I became dizzy, and had to lie down. I waa thinking “now I’m dying”. I got a panic attack and I ran downstairs to my mother and cried. I could not say anything. I Just cried.

My mother and I took a quick trip to Spain to just relax and take a break from everything. It did so well. Oh what I loved it. In Spain I felt no anxiety. Just sun, pool, good food, happy people, spa, massage, shopping, snorkeling, kayaking etc. I felt so good.

But when we got home after two weeks, I got bad again.

I Was so tired of life and depressed that it was not worth living, I felt. I Had only one friend and she lived in Sweden. I talked to her every day, but mostly about how bad we felt. But she was still a great support to me. She was my best friend. Really. She was exactly like me, just a year younger.

I Had worked as a model from time to time during this time. Loved standing in front of the camera, pretending to be someone else than I really was. I Felt it was my thing and that I was good at something. I also felt that I could make my family proud if I became successful or pay all the debts back one day, maybe then they would love me, I thought.

I was 16 years old. Had never been away from home just when I was at the hospital for anorexia and some football camps. I traveled alone to Japan for a modeljob. Did not think so much, I never thought about anything really,..

I thought that it was an opportunity that only comes once in a lifetime and things happen for a reason. I did not even really know how a modeltrip would be like, i thought that I was just going to be photographed and walk on the catwalk and have fun. I was wrong, It was anything but fun…

I had received an email from my modelagency with the address to the place I would stay at. I took the bus from the airport in Tokyo, Haneda. I Did not understand any of the Japanese signs but somehow I arrived at the right place. It was not a fancy place. A old building, far away from the city. I got my room. I opened the door, the lock was broken so it was open- it smelled of smoke, cigarette smoke. It was messy, dirty. There was rubbish and dust on the murky floor. There was two small beds and one window.

I Got a huge lump in my throat. So I would live here for two months. Okay. The other girl that I was going to share the room with, was apparently not here. I sat for a while and rested from the shock and then I needed to find the modelagency. I had no idea how to use the trains and local transport, it took me 8 hours before I got to the right place. I was so tired, I barely could hold my own legs.

At the agency, it was time to take the measurements around the waist, arms, chest, hips, thighs. They told me I had too wide waist. That I was a little too big, that it would be good if I got a little smaller and that I was going to be kicked out if I gained weight. My waist was 64 cm and they said I needed to be under 60 centimeters.

The model world turned out to be very different from what I expected. I was told that one of my legs was bigger than the other. So much body complex I got from that!

I stopped eating to control my anxiety.

I survived on coffee from Starbucks. Without milk, cream, sugar. It would be black and in size XL if possible because I usually came back from the castings late on the evening and I could not get any sleep on the hard bed, even if I was completly exhausted.

It was difficult and heavy to understand the model world and I did not know Japanese either. I noticed how incredibly important it is to have a friend and someone to talk to. I had no one.

A couple weeks went by, but i became worse. I felt so bad that I could not sleep anymore, but I could not get up either. The agency called and shouted at me why I’m not at the castings. I tried to explain that I was feeling bad but they said I still need to go. I called every day and night with my parents. They could not do anything, they said that everything would be fine. I screamed, cried, I could not take it anymore. I wanted to go home.

I could not stand another day. Mom said she would be here in a few days. But I did not have the strength for another minute. So I made my third suicide attempt. I could no longer bear myself. I was a failed person who only caused problems. It happened on the motorway.

But I was saved and came home and it felt like a heavy weight had been released from my shoulders.

Back home, I started overeating because I was disgusted with how thin I had become in a few weeks and to comfort myself.

I decided that I would take charge of my life. I needed to do a big lifestyle change.

I went with my dad to the gym. wow … that was incredible. Sure, I had run on the treadmill several times before and been on zumba, spinning and stuff, but when I started lifting weights, using machines in the gym … it was incredible. A feeling that is indescribable. I felt strong. I felt safe. Good. Cruel. Different. Nearly happy… It was so nice to be able to lift big weights that you never thought you would be able to. The feeling of having was incredible.

I felt strong for the first time in my life. Physically strong. I became confident with the help of the gym, I found a place where I could be myself, where I was accepted as I was, in the gym everyone worked and focused on themselves. For the first time in years I felt that I had found the joy of life again. Found something I felt good about, something that made me smile, laugh, something I could live for. I did not care about what would happen to the body, I ate more and felt more energetic, stronger, more stately. I also gained 10 kg!

I took a break from my modeling job. They said I had grown too big. Fuck that. I had finally understood that joy, happiness, health is the most important thing we have.

. When I was depressed it was alot because I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, and because I lived a life for someone else’s sake. I thought I would be happy if I did what others wanted, but it was the other way around and I realized it too late when I had nothing left. I felt that everyone went further away from me. I felt that I just fell deeper into the cave and felt lost. To then find the strength training was a light in the darkness. I found something that made me believe in myself, something I waited for every day, something that strengthened me mentally and physically. I found my own thing, that I did for myself and no one else. It became my hobby, passion, something I daydreamed about. I wanted to learn everything and more about health and how Important it is to take care of yourself. I never wanted to fall down again. I seriously thought at my worst that I would never make it or find life again. It was so amazing to find a passion in life, and to know that It would never leave you 😀 It could have just as easily been anything,a pet or a friend or a hobby like Art or Music. But it was the strength training. I have always been interested in sports and always been active in life, so It was nothing strange to start training. But to the opposite from the soccer and running, this was different, new. It suprised me every workout, you never knew what to expect. And for the first time in my life felt STRONG. Who cared if it was true or not, or what others were thinking.

During these years, I have grown as incredible as a person and become stronger than ever. I have learned that you have to face your feelings, fears, anxieties, difficulties and not hide them and think that you forget it. I have learned to listen to myself and not others. My will, my health, my well-being ALWAYS come first. You live in this body, it’s your house, so take care of it.

That was my story. Thank you for reading.

Så lugnt, tystnaden. Kylan. Blåsten. Ensamheten ❤️

Träffade en simmare (älg)

.. tre huggormar och flera andra ormar

Fåglar, myggor och andra vänner från naturen

Älskade livet i naturen

Tvättade mig i det kalla källvattnet och levde utan lotion, tvättmedel.

Strömm eller el var det inte mycket användning av. Förutom långkoket på min middag av goda nöt svans med värmande hemmagjord buljong 😋

Här lever man 🌲💕

God kväll! Och en trevlig mors dag till alla mammor ( I Finland firar vi det idag )!

Jag vill hylla alla starka mammor, alla grymma otroliga ni! Alla mammor har en stor uppgift och den största delen i barnets uppfostran.

Denna video är en hyllning till alla mor och fäder, föräldrar som tål från en dag har barn att stödja, uppmuntra och lyfta dem från grunden. Denna video är också en påminnelse om allt är möjligt. Man känner att man vill ge upp ibland, och gör det, men man klarar av att stiga upp igen trots alla hinder.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=0JaHtpjzIME%3Ffeature%3Doembed

Tämä video on kunnianosoitus kaikille äidille ja isille, vanhemmille, jotka jaksavat päivästä toiseen olla lastensa tukena, kannustaa ja nostaa heidät maasta ylös. Tämä video on myös muistutus siitä, että pystyssä pysyminen ja tavoitteiden saavuttaminen on mahdollista ainoastaan siitä syystä, että on kaatunut tarpeeksi monta kertaa. Itkenyt, satuttanut, pettynyt, luovuttanut hetkeksi – mutta noussut taas ylös jonkun ihmisen kannustuksen ansiosta

Hyvää iltaa! Ja mukavaa äitienpäivää, kaikille äideille!

Äidin merkitys on yksi suurimmista lapsen kasvatuksessa. Ei ole liioiteltua sanoa, että äidit ohjaavat, kasvattavat ja määrittelevät lapselleen elämänpolun ja sen suunnan.