Happiness… what is it?

 

 

Good morning lovely ppl❤️

Yesterday I talked alot about happiness with a friend.
Its so weird how most of us thinks we get happy when we get that dreamjob or dreamguy or get rich or married or famous or move away or lose weight etc…But when you finally make it happen you will not be happy. We are like that, once we get what we want… then we crave more and more or can’t even be thankful for what we got because we already are planning and wanting something else.

When I was young I wanted o be someone. Someone “perfect”. I wanted to be good at everything I did. (except school?) Soccer, looking good, be a model, do everything correctly and I was searching after a better selfesteem through that. Anyway… It got years when I finally understood what happiness really is like. But first I needed to try & experie both bad and good things.

So I dreamed about moving to sweden, become a international model, be skinny and suprising looking, and what I got was not was I was expecting..

I moved to sweden -> to an eatingdisorder clinic.

I got skinny and suprising looking -> anorexia.

I became a model -> I got depressed, self harming, sick, mentalillness..

I always thought that “NOW” is my oppoturnity to do my parents and family proud or I will be someone or a good person. But always doing those mistakes over and over again made me realize that I could not do it. When I finally arrived home from a hell of a model trip and another time when I survived my and when I truly recovered from anorexia, I understood what happiness was like. When I could stop doing those things I didn’t really want to do but did anyway because I thought I needed to or that someone wanted me to do it or because I would be a better person if I did. So I made my own decisions and started listening to my self and my wantings. It’s was really hard & it still is. And why is this important?Because it is not worth doing something for someone else if your health gets affected by it. People who have’nt experienced this don’t understand but you who know what it is like to be burned out, too selfless..I beg you to start loving yourself for what you are and what you have. Be selfish because in the end…YOU are the person you will be living with the rest of your life and YOU are the most important one.

And for all of you…Stop searching for something better all the time. Stop wishing for something more expensive, better, more beautiful.. or more anything. Stop where you are now,think about what you have, what you are pleased of. Be grateful. What you have now, you may not always have. I have learned that the only thing I need in life, the only thing that makes me truly happy is is a safe home, a family and friends who love me as I am, a life containing things I do for my own sake, a job that is demanding and time-taking but also fun and rewarding. A day that will give more than it takes. To learn to enjoy over the small things in life, and the life. Sunshine, freedom, joy, laughter, warmth, delicious food, a house, the rainbow, good wine, good company, hugs, feelings, experiences. And you should even be thankful for the mistakes and lessons of the tough moments…when you’re stressed, crying, freezing, forgetting your wallet at home, needing to get up from the soft bed to turn off the lights, muscle soreness, whining and screaming childrens, mothers who are too strict and worried, tests in school and everything! Because in the end it is good for us.

What if life would be simple and easy, what if everything would work out just by pressing a button. Imagine if we all would be rich, satisfied, pleased, to have everything the world can give us .. who would have been happy for real? Lying in bed tired of life because there is nothing exciting or something to fight for. Everything would be carried to bed.. Be grateful that you have though feelings and legs hurting sometimes, because we all don’t have the opportunity to feel, hear or to see things. We all don’t have legs to walk on, we all don’t even have a friend to argue with. So be grateful for what you have at the moment. What you wish you would have, is not always worth what it takes and sometimes it is not even what you really wanted. It is easy to be convinced or persuaded that you want something, but in reality it it’s not at all what you wanted, needed or expected. As I said, it took a long time before I learned this. It was almost a given that I wanted something but when I got to that place…I understood I was wrong and I knew that if I continued to do this, I would certainly make other people, especially my family proud but also myself unhappy and anxious for the rest of my life. At that moment I rather died than continued living that way at that place, and I was serious..But that is another story…Anyway, I am so grateful and happy that I survived that moment, and here I am today.

Thank you life, thanks to myself who fought and did not give up and that I am moving forward (but also back sometimes) all the time and learn new things, and most important, because I am happy because I have it pretty good overall and a hundred thousand times better than 6 years ago.

Hugs to all of you. Fight on out there! You are important and lovely. You should know that. <3